Welcome to My Blog

I have a confession to make.  I am a touch obsessive. ‘A touch!!’ I hear my friends (and family) cry.  ‘You’re a bloody weirdo!’ I would refute that.  I do admit, however, to having certain routines and practices that I feel compelled to adhere to....

Despite being born under the star of Pisces, I am not a fan of swimming.  My mantra has always been, ‘If God had wanted us to swim, He would have given us fins!’ I blame my best friend, who thought it was great fun to push me in the Lister Park Lido in Bradford...

It has been well documented in both ‘Life in Laytonia’ and ‘Layton in Lockdown’, the Telegraph articles which preceded these current musings, that I am a huge fan of the great (for me anyway) Larry David. For those who aren't familiar with Larry David - and sadly they...

If you read last week’s musings, you may remember how I described my gut feeling that due to the huge upgrade switchover being planned by my broadband provider, Three Broadband, what I was writing may never see the light of day. I went on to describe the chaotic and...

In order to publish, i.e. upload my weekly ‘Life in Laytonia’ blog/column, I am very much in the hands of my Internet provider, Three Broadband. I am writing this week’s musings with the sinking feeling that they may never see the light of day. Wednesday 1st July...

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I was in the kitchen brewing myself a nice cup of Tetley’s – now here’s a bit of trivia for you, I was the voice of ‘Sydney’ of ‘The Tetley Tea Folk’ family – just thought I’d throw that in. Anyway, I was making myself a cuppa, with half an eye on the lunchtime news.

As Life in Laytonia hits double figures, I have a confession to make: I don’t have a clue where to start. That’s nothing new.  Every week, until my aimless staring out of the window is interrupted by some eureka moment, I...

During Chancellor Rishi Sunak’s ‘emergency coronavirus budget’, there was a moment when it looked like there would be no Life in Laytonia column/blog this week. As I was writing, ie staring out of the window, I was half-listening to the £30bn plan being unveiled by...

Lockdown – The First 100 Days!  Yes, 100 days of lockdown. It’s hard to believe. As we pass the three figure mark, bearing in mind those who are going through lockdown on their own, others experiencing lockdown without a garden, families stuck in high rise flats,...

As I stare at my blank computer screen, I can’t help thinking that it’s been a funny old week.  Lockdown is easing by the minute.  I’m beginning to wonder if the heat has gone to the Government’s head; street parties, crowded beaches, raves - albeit illegal...

I remember, years ago, seeing a television commercial for a national newspaper. A tough-looking stereotype, a skinhead, is hanging around a street corner.  He looks threatening. In the film, the man starts running.  Is he running away from somebody? Possibly...

I hate to be churlish, but whenever I receive an electronic greetings card, my heart sinks. These e-cards ping up on your computer with amazing regularity. On your birthday, at Easter, Christmas, on New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day.  Some thoughtful friends even...

Let’s take a short walk down Memory Lane… A gentle stroll to 8.30pm on the 23rd March when Boris Johnson officially announced that the country was going into lockdown.  I did say a short walk.  Though for many, this gentle stroll, almost 11 weeks back in...

On BBC Radio 5 Live, I have occasionally caught a Saturday morning programme called Fighting Talk. It’s a smart, jokey, sports-related quiz, involving a group of specialist pundits who are presented with questions, which I don’t understand.  They then reply with...

The morning DL (During Lockdown) routine in Laytonia, is no different to the PL (Pre-Lockdown) morning routine. 7am.  Earphone in one ear, I listen to the Today programme with Nick, Justin, Mishal, Martha, whoever’s on the Today shift. Since we are all in bed...

As we drift down the river Lockdown on the good ship Telegraph Online, the time has come for me to jump overboard. Pinching my nose, closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and make the leap into uncharted waters. I hear the skipper’s voice. ‘You’ve left your Layton on...