Week 25. A quarter way to 100 ‘Life in Laytonias’.
If I include the pre-cursor to ‘Life in Laytonia’, the 7 ‘Layton on Lockdown’ articles, commissioned by the Telegraph Online back in the March of this torrid Covid year, that makes 32.
Goodness me! That’s quite a lot of scribbling.
This must surely be the moment to thank the person who was responsible for this weekly blog/column/rant/ stream of conscious musings, ending my self-imposed 12-year exile from writing.
No, not the perspicacious editor of the Telegraph Online who saw mileage in a lockdown diary written from the point of view of the vulnerable over-70’s – well over in my case – though I will return to the Telegraph in a moment.
The person, who more than anybody, dragged this disillusioned, jaundiced Writer-turned-Couch Potato from the bottom-worn settee to his dusty computer was none other than Boris Johnson.
It came as no surprise when our Winston Churchill manqué Prime Minister announced the first lockdown; it had been anticipated for days.
The formal Boris announcement eventually hit the airwaves at 8.30pm on Monday the 23rd of March.
By 9.15, Moya and I were arguing what we should watch on television!!
Moya, exercising her Chief Executive of Laytonia vote, opted for MasterChef – “The Last of the Heats”.
I have an antipathy to watching Gregg and John ever since I was cruelly and unceremoniously kicked off Celebrity MasterChef some years ago.
George: Moya, I’m just popping upstairs, I’ve had an idea.
I went to my study, blew the dust of my computer and plugged it in.
Not literally of course. I started typing out my idea. The first thing I’d written in years. The working title was:
George Layton’s Lock Down Log
* * * * * * * * *
Whilst there were reasons for myself-imposed exile from writing, too complex to go into detail, it is worth saying a few things about the writing process.
Writing is solitary but at the same time, collaborative.
With books, you have an editor. When you have a good editor, an empathetic editor, an editor who is on your wavelength, as I have been fortunate enough to experience, the writing process is a joy.
When you have an editor who is not on your wavelength, which I have also experienced, it can be a nightmare.
Writing for television, film and the theatre is a different animal. Especially when it comes to comedy.
There are so many people involved in the process. The producer, the director, the actors, the tea-lady, Uncle Tom Cobley and all.
Comedy is subjective. You cannot please everybody. You cannot write to committee. You choose your battles. You often have to bite your tongue.
It is more exhausting than actually writing the script in the first place. But it goes with the territory.
I have always welcomed suggestions that improved any script of mine, often claiming them as my own when the programme was transmitted.
In the final analysis, however, it was my name on the script. It was my sense of humour. And I always felt that I had to be the final arbiter.
Who am I kidding? There was always compromise.
I would frequently come home from a script meeting and Moya would ask me how it went.
‘I haven’t a clue what they were talking about’ was a stock reply.
Having said I would not detail here the reasons for myself-imposed exile from writing, it may be worth telling this little story.
About 12 years ago, I was in a meeting with a young script editor, whom I actually liked, but I did wonder how he had got off school for the afternoon.
My way of saying I was getting long in the tooth.
The script editor had been assigned to a comedy series that I was writing. He was trawling through the first 2 scripts, telling me what didn’t work, what wasn’t funny, what he’d like more of, what he’d like less of, etc….
Script Editor:…and this scene. That can go. It has nothing to do with the plot.
I watched his rapier-like red pencil slash diagonally across several pages of my script.
Big sigh…it was a very funny scene that I had spent hours crafting and subliminally, it had everything to do with the plot.
Yes, you could cut it. The viewer would never know what they had missed.
But I would.
More important, I felt strongly that without the scene, the episode would be diminished.
There were countless occasions when either at a recording or watching an episode being transmitted, Moya (who was always my best script editor) would say ‘well, that didn’t work’ or ‘that wasn’t funny’.
I would dig out the original and with undisguised cockiness, compare what I had written with what had ended up on the screen.
Script Editor: (cont.) Same goes for this, George. And this. We don’t need it…
More dismissive, diagonal red blood-like slashes across my white pages.
Here we would go again: the ritual negotiation dance. The tentative Tango. The pragmatic Passodoble. The persuasive Polka. The Fandango of frustration.
Normally, having danced politely around our differing views, I would have then gone into battle, arguing the point, fighting my corner.
But I was battle-weary.
I sat there and I came to a decision. A Nano-second morphed into an Oh-no second.
‘Oh no, I’ve had enough’!
That was it. When I got home I unplugged my computer, so to speak.
There was more to it than that, of course. The script meeting had merely been the catalyst, following years of tongue-biting frustration and compromise.
* * * * * * * * *
Back to 23rd March 2020:
George Layton’s Lock Down Log
So finally, at 8.30pm on Monday night, the Boris edict came. Formal lock down. By 9.15 my wife and I were arguing what we should watch on television.
Doesn’t bode well…
I fleshed out my burgeoning idea. I developed it as a column with a mixture of gravitas and humour.
Allowing for the cruel nature of Covid 19 and Coronavirus, the humour had to be sensitive. It was an interesting exercise.
God knows what I thought I was going to do with it. It was a long shot as to whether my lock down log would go further than a document on my Apple-Mac. There were bound to be a slew of similar lock down articles. It was a matter of finding a different angle.
Whatever happened, I was – surprisingly – enjoying myself and if nothing else, it was a diversion from Gregg, John and MasterChef – “The Last of the Heats”.
* * * * * * * * *
After approaching the few contacts I had, I was put in touch with a fairly substantial cheese at the Telegraph Online. I emailed him:
From: George Layton <* * * * * * >
Subject: article
Date: 26 March 2020 at 11:52:35 GMT
To: * * * * * <* * * * * >@telegraph.co.uk>
Dear * * * * *
The piece attached was written following the official lock down announcement on Monday night.
With a mixture of gravitas & sensitive humour, I think that there could be mileage in a regular column during this nightmare, written from the point of view of one of the ‘vulnerable ones’ (over 70 – well over as far as I’m concerned).
I would be grateful if you could read it. Written in real time, it is time-sensitive, ie it should be published in the next few days.
The attached will doubtlessly need re-writing as it is getting past its sell-by date but hopefully it will give you the flavour.
If you like it, please contact me asap on yada, yada, yada…
Kind regards,
George Layton
Long story short, the aforementioned perspicacious editor commissioned one, then four, and ultimately seven ‘Layton on Lockdowns’ and if I say writing them kept me sane during those March/April/May days of Lock Down 1, I am not exaggerating.
I received a number of “Sorry, George, I’m not reading the Boris Bugle, even for you, mate” emails. I consoled myself in the knowledge that I would have had a similar number of ‘I’m not reading that Lefty rag’ messages if The Guardian had commissioned me.
I had the odd ‘script editor’ type run-in. For example, when an adjective that I had intentionally repeated, was edited out.
I explained to the Fromage Grand at the Telegraph that it was the repeated use of the word ‘quirky’ that made that particular section amusing.
The magnanimous editor immediately put his hands up.
‘George, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see that. That’s why you’re a writer and I’m a journalist’.
So gracious.
* * * * * * * * *
Well, ‘Life in Laytonia’ 25 has turned out to be a bit of a rant. A trip down memory lane. All a bit autobiographical.
STOP PRESS: Spoiler alert.
I have been asked many (many) times when am I going to write my autobiography?
I have got some big news.
After months and months of painstaking work, I am delighted to announce that I have at last come up with a title!
Watch this space…
George, stumbling upon your ramblings has been a highlight of this year. I enrolled, for want of a better description, onto the Twitter thing merely to find out what it was all about. I did find out it was confusing, illogically laid out and frustratingly non intuitive. I did, however, come across Robin Askwith and his witterings, as funny as they were, lead me to you. I had no further need for another layer of complication in my life, so I closed my Twitter account and found you here, on your own web pages.
I had no idea at all that you had been in the writing wilderness for so long. An avid reader of your easy to consume and highly amusing short stories, an appreciative fan of your sitcom scripting and someone who actually did buy the Over 55 Life Insurance plan which you promoted a while back, I just assumed that you were hard at it and still churning out stuff. How sad that such a talent is made to stop writing, lay down his pen and retreat just because the younger generations don’t get you any more. Or, more accurately, could never hope to get you. The chasm between young and old in so many fields is wide and has always been so. But in terms of The Arts – comedy, music, film and TV – it is especially so. Today’s twenty five year olds would find Eric Sykes, Tommy Cooper, Arthur Askey, Ted Ray a bit tame. It is those same 25 year olds who control and guide what we watch. And that causes a great loss to that generation. We dismiss the old scripts, scriptwriters and performers purely because they are perceived to be “out of date”, “not edgy”, “not relevant”. What a shame. I remember seeing Frankie Howard on stage the year before he died. It was a one man performance at the Birmingham Hippodrome. He was superb – on the money, very edgy, very relevant. Same in 2014, Bruce Forsyth. A fabulous evening. But the Birmingham Symphony Hall was only two thirds full. Another 200 people could have sat in those empty seats – scriptwriter types, comedians, editors – and actually learned something.
I’m upset when talent is forgotten and only appreciated again possibly after the performer is gone. Don’t let that be you. Write something. You know how to do it. And your autobiography can have an extra chapter at the end, not just fizzle out when you get to 2005…
Go, George, go!
Brad – thank you for your detailed comment/s. Scroll down and read the comments from Mr Paul Wride, a newcomer ‘Life in Laytonia’ via Twitter & Mr George Fairbrother (who if I remember correctly was a reader of ‘Layton on Lockdown’.
Like you, I’m not sure about twitter. A fellow contestant on my Celebrity MasterChef sojourn enrolled me during one of our interminable sitting around sessions but I never really used it until this year as a means of alerting people to my column/blog. And it seems to be effective. But I don’t fully ‘get’ twitter.
Re. your sentiments regarding my “switching off my computer”. There was a lot more to it than that one meeting. It was not as bad as it seems, there were just more important things in my life.
Don’t forget, I started writing in 1960 and believe me it was exciting. I sold my first play to BBC 2 in 1970. Fantastic. I loved pitching my ideas. I am still incredibly proud of
‘Don’t Wait Up’ a serious comedy. The first 4 series written in serial form.
But things change. The powers didn’t want long scenes in which you could develop emotions/relationships. For me it was never about trying to get X number of laughs on a page.
Listen, all this will be developed if I ever get beyond the title of this supposed autobiography!!
Talking of which, this is my problem. I seem to be able to only work on one project at a time. And believe me, even though it is not that long, ‘L i L’ is relatively full time.
Maybe I will have to make them a more sporadic?? But I don’t want to let down my regulars- like you!
Keep well & keep commenting!!
Brad and George – yes, Twitter is a strange beast indeed. I only joined it because I wanted to get information about the short film “The Girl is Mime” and the people behind it would share things on there. The second best thing was a very nice short conversation I had with Gavin Claxton, I congratulated him on his movie “The All Together”, a movie about a tv writer and quite a good satire https://youtu.be/zvyAXeH5rTk, and then we actually talked about Twitter and its merits. Having once seen through it, it became to both of us quite obvious that it is a medium for people who like to soliloquize in at the time just 120 characters ;). With its hashtags it is also a good means to rant or virtually shout at people, in its worst moments actually having people forming virtual mobs. So the perfect medium for the orange one. These days I mainly use Twitter like you do, George, to promote my blog, though not actually to much avail; and only sometimes I tell people about an altruistic version of Monopoly called Prosperity, which as far as I can tell is actually the same game only with different rules, that include some tax ;). Thanks for the retweet btw.
Please do write the autobiography even if it means that you have less time for sharing your Life in Laytonia.
Please keep well!
Danni – always good to hear from you. As you will have noted,
‘L in L’ 25 was probably the most autobiographical so far & seriously I do have the title. Just a matter of organising my time better. You would be surprised how much of the week is taken up by ‘L in L’
Thanks SO MUCH for the Gavin Claxton link. I have never heard of this film (M. Freeman is a friend, I will email him) I am going to get in touch with Gavin Claxton, I found that film clip fascinating. From what I’ve researched Gavin Claxton has an art gallery now.
Thanks for writing. Keep well!!
I remember you from my youth and ‘re-found’ you via Twitter and Robin Asquith but I’ve not read your blog until today and I found it very enlightening. It sort of makes you ‘real’ if that’s the right word. The same sort of things drive you up the wall as they do me but you are able to be irritated by something, vent it through your blog and it becomes enjoyable to read. Your annoyances become the readers enjoyment.
It’s also a bit of a buzz knowing that (hopefully) you will be reading something I have written, rather than the other way around. Thank you George.
Dear Paul –
Great to welcome a ‘new reader’! And it’s helpful to know that it is via twitter that you found ‘Life in Laytonia’.
Scroll up to my reply above to Brad, a regular reader & commentator, I’ve written a bit about twitter. I think that I am getting quite a number of followers for the blog/column thru it. Please retweet, it could help.
If you have time, do read some earlier ‘L in L’s – be interested to know what you think!!
Hello, George, and thank you for this latest instalment. I was interested to read your encounter with the script editor, and I was wondering about how you might, as a general rule, tackle stepping in to work with someone else’s creation – You alluded previously how you were a little uncomfortable with some of the treatment of Olive in On the Buses (although I think this was perhaps mitigated by the fact that the joke was really on Arthur and his operation). How much of your own style and creativity could you apply in these instances?
Also, do you think that a series is generally stronger if it has one writer or one permanent collaboration? I’m thinking ,of course, of Don’t Wait Up, but also Dad’s Army, Steptoe, and Only Fools, although the output of these was less than some of the LWT series where I assume bringing in fresh writers was essential.
Hi George – good to hear from you again.
It is always easier to write with someone else & when the chemistry is right, it can great be fun!!
But I loved writing ‘Don’t Wait Up’ which I created and wrote every episode on my own.
Fortunately there was a lot of trust between the producer/director & myself. We worked a s team and it showed in the quality of the series which I am still very proud of.
Even though it was not my series, I also enjoyed writing ‘Robin’s Nest’ in the 80’s. I always enjoyed writing for my friend Richard O’Sullivan, going back to the ‘Doctor’ series.
Glad you are reading ‘Life in Laytonia’.
Here’s the link, do please pass it on: http://georgelayton.co.uk/blog/
Check out my reply to Brad above.
Thoroughly enjoyed this, as an aspiring writer – at 49 I have probably left it to late. However, having had a few read throughs with actors – organised by myself – I was pleasantly surprised that a lot of what I thought worked actually did! I hope you write an Autobiography, it would be a great read for fans and wannabe writers alike.
Alan – 49!! The beginning of hopefully a blossoming writing career.
I used to love the read-thru’s and hear lines working just as I had imagined/hoped they would. But there were gut-wrenching moments when a line could not have been read more wrongly.
I hope ‘Life in Laytonia’ 25 was not too jaundiced, I am so lucky to have been able to combine an acting career with a writing career. And it has been mostly fun!!
Thanks for taking the trouble to write. Happy to hear comments on some previous musings!!
It’s never too late. Although unpublished, I started writing seriously about three years ago. I then stopped two years ago! I really must get to grips with myself and put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard and nose to the grind wheel. Good luck, Alan.
Brad – I have to divert my attention from ‘L in L’ 26 – you know me, I’ll use any distraction – to pick up on:
“I started writing seriously about three years ago. I then stopped two years ago…”
Brad – that means you wrote for 1 year. That ain’t serious!!
Right, that was a nice break…
I don’t do “serious” very well, I’m afraid, but writing daily for one year was the closest I’ve come. Glad my admission of failure was a handy distraction for you. I feel suitably admonished, castigated and shamed. And rightly so.
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